Sunday, January 19, 2025

Tonight I write this laying in bed with a heart overflowing with more joy than I know to put into words, but I want to share with you all as best I can. As I know people want to know how I am doing, and this is a good way for me to share that.

There have been quite a few good days this last week, but there have also been some tough ones. I have felt the shift into a new territory with my treatments and the things that are happening in my body. Which made me realize I want to try to get experiences in as best I can while I have energy and feel up to it. 

At the top of the list, I wanted to find a way to sing and make music with people. My body has been through a lot and singing is one thing I haven’t been able to do much of physically, and I wanted to try. Friday, I was immediately reminded of Gaia Music Collective and how I’ve wanted to go to one of their events for quite some time. Gaia Music Collective is a group here in NYC that does a lot of music events. One event they do frequently is a on day choir. I checked their calendar and saw that they were doing Water Night by Eric Whitacre today(Sunday). A piece that I sang over 10 years ago in my high school choir, and a coincidence that felt too good to be true. 

I texted some friends a couple of friends and they were on board. Together we ventured from the heights all the way into Bushwick on a cold snowy afternoon. A trek that anyone familiar with NYC knows is long and somewhat complicated, but I was determined to make a day out of it and use that time to enjoy conversation with friends. 

Anyways, the time singing was a time spent creating music and art that I will truly never forget. To get to create again with fellow musicians has never felt more therapeutic, meditative, centering, and moving. My relationship with singing this past year has been so unique, but to go into a space giving myself absolutely no expectations or goals surpassed anything I could have imagined. I will always treasure what was made in that space. 

Then the extremely cold, but also cinematic walk from there to the subway was great. The snow flurries falling in NYC are always an aesthetic I will never tire of. No matter how grey it means the ground is about to be. The laughs and conversations we shared are ones I will keep near to my heart. 

We finished off the night by going to Jacob’s Pickle’s once we made it back to Manhattan. A favorite spot that I have been craving on and off for the last few weeks. Something that has been an extremely complicated relationship since my last surgery at the beginning of December has been food and eating. I have been on an extremely limited diet that has been tough to work with. However, the last few weeks I’ve been easing off of it, and this was my first meal eating at a restaurant since my surgery. Chemotherapy has also made eating complicated as well effecting flavor and sometimes my desire to eat in general. However, that meal hit all the right spots in all the right ways. 

If you have read this far, I know these things and this day may seem simple to you, and that may be what makes it life giving to me. A day that resembled normalcy, that took place outside of my apartment, and contained things that I love to do and was able to do. 

Much love,

Caleb